I can bet that the me in the fifth grade never thought that she’d end up growing out of anime. When I first got into it I though, “Wow! I’m going to be into this forever, aren’t I?” but I guess it just started fading away. My “relationship”, we’ll call it, with anime began to fade a little more every year. I guess it had to do something with getting older and having less time to watch japanese cartoons, and part of it was wanting to be like everybody else.
To be honest for a few years after I got into anime it was pretty obvious that I was into it, I had posters all over my room and I just had that look if you know what I mean. I can’t say I had crazy dyed hair, or wore cosplay everywhere I went, but when I was younger I did indeed wear shirts of my favorite anime shows.
Then as I got older each year I noticed how much the people at school who shared the same interest as me didn’t fit in, and I’m certainly not saying that everyone doesn’t fit it, but a couple of them truly didn’t. I live in a town where hardly anyone is Japanese, me being half Japanese (yet everyone thinks I’m full on white) I’m as “exotic” as it gets. The only other people at school who were into it where white.
Anyway everyone else at school is basically the same, they all look the same, they all dress the same, and they all act the same. I couldn’t really talk to any of them because the second I’d bring up anime they’d go, “Oh those cartoons?”. And I really didn’t want to talk to the people who were actually into it because it pissed me off that they pronounced manga like mango.
These people needed a culture shock, and before I never wanted anything to do with them, they didn’t know about my hobbies so I didn’t need to be involved with them.
But I slowly began to turn into them.
I took down my wall scrolls and I acted like I was completely oblivious to anime. Whenever someone would bring up Sword Art Online or Fairy Tail and ask if I’d seen it I’d ask what that was, then the other people who had no idea about anime would give me this look like “weirdos”. Then I’d tightly smile and give the same look back.
This made me feel like a total ass, because I was basically dissing my entire fandom.
So I tried watching something again, recently, I tried watching the new season of Sword Art Online. I sat down, I redownloaded the crunchy roll app, and I sunk back into what provided me so much comfort and safety years ago. It just didn’t click though. I didn’t enjoy it like I used to.
Then I realized, I guess this is just who I am now. It wasn’t me “dissing” anyone, it wasn’t me lying to myself, or faking being someone I wasn’t. It was just growing up. Like in the first episode of The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya, the first anime I watched as a matter of fact.
“Unfortunately, reality is a hard road indeed. Yep, you gotta admit, the laws of physics definitely puts a damper on things. I even stopped watching those TV shows about aliens and ghosts and stuff. Aliens, time travelers, espers; course they don’t exist, but a little part of me wishes that they did.”
You didn’t have to read this, honestly. But I just felt like I should give you guys a true, honest to God reason why I haven’t been posting as much as I used to. I’m just not as into it as before, I’m into other things now. I hope there isn’t anything wrong with that. I’m still as happy as I was before, with or without anime, and that’s just how things work out.
But trust me. When season 2 of Attack on Titan finally comes out, I can guarantee I’ll watch that ;).